The best geek quotes.

Just ripping stuff of the internet.

The source. http://www.boardofwisdom.com/default.asp?start=1&topic=1005&listname=Geek

The source for the source Bachan.

A few of them are quite interesting. The 27th one was by Dennis Ritchie.

1 There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

2 If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0

3 Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”

4 My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they’re like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I’ll trade this but not my charizard.

5 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

6 I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly

7I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code

8 Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

9 A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

10 My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

11 The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX.

12 Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you

13 People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.

14 The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!”

15 The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

16 In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

17 You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don’t have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.

18 Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

19 Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.

20 Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
21 Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

22 You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.

23 JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!

24 Windows had detected you do not have a keyboard. Press ‘F9″ to continue.

25 Use The Best…
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire

26 Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.

27 UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

28 C://dos
C://dos.run
run.dos.run

29 Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

30 MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

31      ——Jocks vs Nerds—-
Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?
However…
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.

32 once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ‘hot xxx galore’.
While i clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
” ‘Tis not possible!”, i muttered, “give me back my free hardcore!”
quoth the server, 404.

33 The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.

34 A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

35 Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.

36 A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?

37 Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly.

38 How do I set a laser printer to stun?

39 I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident. I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?”

40 Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.

41 Better to be a geek than an idiot.

42 Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive.

43 The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers.

44 Windows XP -now comes with free anger management courses.

45 I see fragged people

46 Who needs friends? My PC is user friendly.

47 Windows does not detect a keyboard…Please press ‘ENTER’ to continue…

48
1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from
those he created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was
good.
3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place
to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small
and big… And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill
all the Memory.
6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer
will make new programs and govern over the computers and
programs and Data.
7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE
Windows.
8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a
creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire
the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.
9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS
and it was Good.
10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to
run any programs ?
11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every
program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows
or we will die.
12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something
you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will
become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you
like by a simple click of your mouse.
13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless
- since Windows could replace it.
14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to
the Programmers that it was good.
15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the
Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need
drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !
16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated
by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you.
And you will always sell Windows.
17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will
have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the
Programmers help.
18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the
User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors
and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door
and secured it with a password.
20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

49 As a development process, chaos does not scale well.

50 A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax

51 Never make fun of the geeks, one day they will be your boss.

52 Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about Rock-n-Roll.

53 ACs are like computers- Both work fine until you open Windows!

54 I don’t care if the software I run is unstable crap, as long as it is the LATEST unstable crap.

55 Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

56 Well It looks like an ID10T Error

57 That’s a PEBKAC problem. (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)

58 “Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.”

59 Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.

60 Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

71 Who needs the library? I’ve got google!

72 Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!

73 What?!? I’m NOT A Dork…Just Special! (on a really dorky hat)

74 COME TO THE DORK SIDE…We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^

75 It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard.

76 It is fruitless to become lachrymose because of scattered lacteal fluid!!! (don’t cry over spilled milk!)

77 You laugh at me because I’m differnt. I pity you because you all use the same damn quotes for your internet profiles.

78 A community is not a community of disembodied spoken statements, in part because the most important aspect of the communication that people have is emotional, and one often communicates emotion not in terms of the text but as a subtext. The physical body is not irrelevant to a human community. The emotional subtext of human communication is crucial to human thought. It isn’t a footnote. Too many computer scientists don’t understand this.

79 Absolute addressing corrupts absolutely

80 If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture.

81 LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses

82 Take a number, we’ll be with you shortly, after we finish defenestrating this hunk of cheese.

83 Photons have neither morals or visas.

84 Geeks are Hott!!!!

85 What we do is never understood, but only praised and blamed.

86 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

87 Computer programming is tremendous fun. Like music, it is a skill that derives from an unknown blend of innate talent and constant practice. Like drawing, it can be shaped to a variety of ends – commercial, artistic, and pure entertainment. Programmers have a well-deserved reputation for working long hours but are rarely credited with being driven by creative fevers. Programmers talk about software development on weekends, vacations, and over meals not because they lack imagination, but because their imagination reveals worlds that others cannot see.

88 Algebra is for lovers!

Email vs Tomatoes

The original sender of this post http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=11453772305633072387

A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. “You are employed.”
He said.” Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”
The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”
I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this
Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US . He started to plan his family’s future.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email”. The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!”
The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don’t have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy,
than a millionaire……….
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I’m closing all my email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!

The end

Note:- The next post would b a geeks answer in defense of this statement.

A crumbling world Pt2.

I wokeup at the crack of dawn, without the refreshing feel of waking up frm a good night’s sleep. The ground I was lying on didnt provide me the usual soft feel of a comfortable bed and the the alarm that woke me wasnt my hip-hop alarm but rather cries and hues. I opened my eyes to find my Dad awake, apparently frm a sleepless night and my Mom sleeping with my kid brother clung to her chest. Dad was lying against a broken tree with us sharing his comfortable shoulder against our head. I looked at the sleep deprived, dust covered face of my Dad and realised for the first time how lucky I had been to have a strong shoulder like that to rest on all these years. My Dad turned to me and said with a smile, “The worst is over, We have survived it.”

I started looking around hoping to find my house but all I could find was pieces of it. The front door had collapsed but there was another larger one dividing the house into two. I stood up and walked towards it and stood staring at it. It was a couple of moments later, that I started hearing my Dad’s voice, asking me not to wander off and to keep together. A blood covered sparky came out of the house and sat beside me. My childhood home I had lived in for most of my life was now nothing more than ruins. But all I could see was my home, as it had stood yesterday morning when I had left for school. Pranay playing in the garden with sparky, Mom waving at me frm the doorway and Dad reading the paper sitting on his easy chair in the garden. All I could see was my home when I had returned yesterday evening frm the ground. Mom gosipping with the neighbours over the compund wall, probably exchanging new recipes. My Mom and my neighbour had noticed my presence when I opened the gate and my neighbour was waving at me and asking me about my day. Thats when I felt my Dad jerking me and I came to my senses. When I turned around my Mom was stading behind him, olding my brother and with a worried expression on her face. I turned again to my Dad to find him asking me what was I waving at.

The relief forces had started to arrive and were shifting every1 to camps setup by various help organisations. We were given packets of food and milk. A emergency medical centre was also setup as the local hospital was also affected by the quake. Seriously injured people were being transferred to other hospitals using helicofters. After some preliminary first aid we started to my aunts house which was located in the next town. It turns out that my Dad had called them up after we had reached the camp. After 90 minutes of long drive we arrived at my aunts house and started cleaning up.

A week had passed since the incident, all schools in the town were closed but the hospitals have just been opened partially and the relief camp was mostly disbanded except for a small division to distribute food. Most of the people had already migrated to other places for the time being. Mom was busy rewinding the whole incident increasing the length of the narration each time and Pranay was busy playing around and showing off his new clothes. Dad was busy making calls and visiting insurance offices. Sparky was just busy barking at every1. Pictures of the devastation had dropped their frequency in the news and they were now replaced by interviews with the victims and with experts in the field. The government had released aid for the victims and was promising funds for furthur research to detect such quakes in time.

That evening I went along with my Dad to visit the site where the house used to stand. Dad was one of the few sensible ppl to have insured the house and was happy that we had enough money to rebuild again. He went to discuss the details with the insurance guy leaving me all alone with the ruins. I started moving around the place remembering each part of the house. The spot in the living room where I would be usually be found, lying on the floor with a remote in my hand and switching through channels. The spot where my Mom used to sit in a chair reading her magazines and ordering me to stick to a channel. The place on the dinner table for which we sibling used to fight. The platform in the kictchen where I used to bug my Mom while she was cooking dinner. The closet where I used to lock my brother up when he used to bother me. My bed where I used to lie for hours talking on the phone with friends about girls. Those sweet memories were disturbed with the return of my Dad.

My Dad was all smiles and seemed really happy. On the way to my aunts place after dropping the insurance guy at his office my Dad was telling me that thanks to the insurance money we could afford to rebuild a new house. My mind went wandering off the dirty wall in the living room. The marks on the corner of the wall where I had drawn my first hillside scenery and had to clean it up as a punishment. Yes, we could rebuild our house but would be it the home we lost???

Ps:- @Voltaire, A couple of the posts were meant to be descriptive but Ur right. Will try to improve on that and U finally do Ur work ;).

This post may not be as U might have expected it to be based on my previous post. But this is just what I had in mind when I was writingPt1.

A crumbling world Pt1.

I was riding on a horse-carriage on a rocky road. Feeling each bump under the wheels throughout my body. It felt that the road just got bumpier and bumpier. I opened my eyes to find the ceiling swaying like a swing over my head. I could feel the bumps like slight tremors frm the ground. I could hear a faint whisper calling out my name. I stressed my ears to hear it but all I could hear was a rumbling noise and the howling of my dogs. The neighing of the horses, the sound of wheels jumping off the bumps were all gone and were replaced by the rumbling frm under me.

My eyes began to see clearly and the ceiling was still moving but much faster and the dog kept on howling. It was desperately trying to free itself frm its collar. I moved my head around and all I could see was specks of vibrating lights. Some of them were shining brightly on the floor in the faint glow of the night bulb, some of them were floating and some of them were falling down and giving birth more lights. It was then that I heard my dad’s voice for the first time. He came barging into the room screaming something and it seemed as if he was running towards me. Then I began to hear what he was screaming about. My heart skipped a beat and the world went blank inside me. All that my brain could comprehend was his words ringing in my head. “EARTHQUAKE, GET OUT”.

Then I felt his hands under me trying to throw me off the bed but he didnt need to. My legs had already started to work and had started on their own. I couldnt remember asking my legs to start running, I couldnt remember the need to wear my slippers and more than that I couldnt remember the existence of my dog, though my ears could hear it howling for its life. It was after I had reached the next room that my brain began to remember, the dog that had been my playmate for over 3 years and I began to run back to get it. I could feel my my Dad’s hands trying to drag me out but I kept shouting “I have to get sparky, I have to get sparky”. I was able to free myself frm protective clutches of my Dad and ran towards the room.

As I enetered the room, my legs began to hurt and it was then that I realised what was shining wasnt my imagination but peices of broken glass on the ground. With blood flowing out and pain filling into the emptiness that was created, I started searchign for sparky in the corner where it slept. Sparky was still howling but this time it wasnt in desperation but rather in pain. Pieces of glass were all over him and they was glowing like the night sky on his brown skin. I unlocked the chain and grabbed sparky and started running out. I saw my Dad screaming profanities at me, screaming to let go of the damn dog and save my life.

I followed my Dad to reach outside but instead of waking up frm the nightmare I started seeing the sad truth in the eyes of the grief stricken, trembling eyes of my neighbours. I could see my mother holding my brother in her arms and trying to calm his down. Mom’s are so stupid, how can a 6 yr old kid stop worrying when a 15 yr old kid couldnt??? Then my head turned towards the surroundings as I saw houses shaking like a setup of lego building blocks and ppl crying, Mothers trying to get into the crumbling houses to save their children and Dad’s trying to stop them from killing themselves. Then my eyes fell on the now unfamiliar remains of my childhood home.

It has all passed like a flash and before anyone could realise it everything every1 knew just vanished.

To be continued…..

Seven Deadly Sins.

These are my sins according to a online quiz.

Greed:	Medium
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	High
Sloth:	High
Envy:	Medium
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Very High

This is the link for the quiz.

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/seven_deadly_sins.html

Not sure how psychologically correct the quiz and its results are, but it seems to make pretty gud derivations from my answers. Though Wrath, Lust and Envy seem a little more than what I had expected and Pride seems to be smaller than what I thought it would be.

To sleepy to write a decent blog so adios for now.

Nxt blog about bike riding. Been popping in my head for quite a while now.

Missing Scene from “Ep V: The Empire Strikes Back”

Rest of the demogracy post will b posted later as soon as I find where I had written the rest ;).

Taken frm a post by a guy named Sahal on orkut.

http://www.orkut.com/CommMsgs.aspx?cmm=1931&tid=2468831477589397629&start=1

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke’s hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there’s nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No, Luke… I am your father!

Luke: No. It can’t be. That’s not true. That’s impossible!

Darth Vader: Search your feelings Luke… you know them to be true.

Luke: NOOoooo!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true… and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes… Threepio… I built him… when I was 7 years old.

Luke: No! … Wait, huh?

Darth Vader: Seven years old. And what have you done? Look at yourself. No hand. No job. And you couldn’t even levitate your own ship out of the swamp…

Luke: But… I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: But that was when you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed an entire Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it’s not my fault…

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go… “Poor me… my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday… boo hoo, my daddy’s the Dark Lord of the Sith… Nobody loved me… waahhh wahhh!”

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You’re a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had already exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar’s Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor… 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open… the Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer… right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong… You’re not my kid… I don’t know whose you are, but you sure ain’t mine.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks down after him.

Darth Vader: And get a haircut!