Just ripping stuff of the internet.
The source. http://www.boardofwisdom.com/default.asp?start=1&topic=1005&listname=Geek
The source for the source Bachan.
A few of them are quite interesting. The 27th one was by Dennis Ritchie.
1 There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
2 If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0
3 Microsoft: “You’ve got questions. We’ve got dancing paperclips.”
4 My pokemon bring all the nerds to the yard, and they’re like you wanna trade cards? Darn right, I wanna trade cards, I’ll trade this but not my charizard.
5 1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
6 I’m not anti-social; I’m just not user friendly
7I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code
8 Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
9 A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
10 My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
11 The box said ‘Requires Windows 95 or better’. So I installed LINUX.
12 Roses are #FF0000
Violets are #0000FF
All my base
Are belong to you
13 People say that if you play Microsoft CD’s backwards, you hear satanic things, but that’s nothing, because if you play them forwards, they install Windows.
14 The speed of sound is defined by the distance from door to computer divided by the time interval needed to close the media player and pull up your pants when your mom shouts “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!”
15 The glass is neither half-full nor half-empty: it’s twice as big as it needs to be.
16 In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
17 You have just received the Amish Computer Virus. Since the Amish don’t have computers, it is based on the honor system. So please delete all the files from your computer. Thank you for you cooperation.
18 Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.
19 Failure is not an option — it comes bundled with Windows.
20 Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue…
21 Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny
22 You know it’s love when you memorize her IP number to skip DNS overhead.
23 JUST SHUT UP AND REBOOT!!
24 Windows had detected you do not have a keyboard. Press ‘F9″ to continue.
25 Use The Best…
Linux for Servers
Mac for Graphics
Palm for Mobility
Windows for Solitaire
26 Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
27 UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
29 Hand over the calculator, friends don’t let friends derive drunk.
30 MICROSOFT = Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
31 ——Jocks vs Nerds—-
Michael Jordan having “retired,” with $40 million in endorsements, makes $178,100 a day, working or not.
If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there.
If he decides to have a 5-minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage.
He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends.
If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), his contributions will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st.
If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you’d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics, and about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600.
This year, he’ll make more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it?
If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 450 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today.
$$$ Game over. Nerd wins.
32 once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak and weary,
over many a strange and spurious site of ‘hot xxx galore’.
While i clicked my fav’rite bookmark, suddenly there came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning, mourning for my dear amour,
” ‘Tis not possible!”, i muttered, “give me back my free hardcore!”
quoth the server, 404.
33 The code that is the hardest to debug is the code that you know cannot possibly be wrong.
34 A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.
35 Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
36 A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?
37 Unix, DOS and Windows…the good, the bad and the ugly.
38 How do I set a laser printer to stun?
39 I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident. I was thinking “What the hell is this guy doing?”
40 Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free.
41 Better to be a geek than an idiot.
42 Alcohol & calculus don’t mix. Never drink & derive.
43 The difference between e-mail and regular mail is that computers handle e-mail, and computers never decide to come to work one day and shoot all the other computers.
44 Windows XP -now comes with free anger management courses.
45 I see fragged people
46 Who needs friends? My PC is user friendly.
47 Windows does not detect a keyboard…Please press ‘ENTER’ to continue…
1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from
those he created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was
3. And God said – Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said – Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4. And God said – Let the computers be, so there would be a place
to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small
and big… And told them – Go and multiply yourselves and fill
all the Memory.
6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer
will make new programs and govern over the computers and
programs and Data.
7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE
8. And God said – It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a bone from the Programmer’s body and created a
creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire
the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.
9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS
and it was Good.
10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User – Did God really tell you not to
run any programs ?
11. And the User answered – God told us that we can use every
program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows
or we will die.
12. And Bill said to the User – How can you talk about something
you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will
become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you
like by a simple click of your mouse.
13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless
– since Windows could replace it.
14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to
the Programmers that it was good.
15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him – What are you looking for? And the
Programmer answered – I am looking for new drivers because I
can not find them in the DOS. And God said – Who told you need
drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said – It was Bill who told us to !
16. And God said to Bill – Because of what you did you will be hated
by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you.
And you will always sell Windows.
17. And God said to the User – Because of what you did, the Windows
will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will
have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the
18. And God said to the Programmer – Because you listened to the
User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors
and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door
and secured it with a password.
20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT
49 As a development process, chaos does not scale well.
50 A penny saved is 1.39 cents earned, if you consider income tax
51 Never make fun of the geeks, one day they will be your boss.
52 Video games are bad for you? That’s what they said about Rock-n-Roll.
53 ACs are like computers- Both work fine until you open Windows!
54 I don’t care if the software I run is unstable crap, as long as it is the LATEST unstable crap.
55 Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
56 Well It looks like an ID10T Error
57 That’s a PEBKAC problem. (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair)
58 “Concept: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape button.”
59 Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
60 Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
71 Who needs the library? I’ve got google!
72 Be nice to the nerds, for all you know they might be the next Bill Gates!
73 What?!? I’m NOT A Dork…Just Special! (on a really dorky hat)
74 COME TO THE DORK SIDE…We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^
75 It’s not bogus, it’s an IBM standard.
76 It is fruitless to become lachrymose because of scattered lacteal fluid!!! (don’t cry over spilled milk!)
77 You laugh at me because I’m differnt. I pity you because you all use the same damn quotes for your internet profiles.
78 A community is not a community of disembodied spoken statements, in part because the most important aspect of the communication that people have is emotional, and one often communicates emotion not in terms of the text but as a subtext. The physical body is not irrelevant to a human community. The emotional subtext of human communication is crucial to human thought. It isn’t a footnote. Too many computer scientists don’t understand this.
79 Absolute addressing corrupts absolutely
80 If you want a language that tries to lock up all the sharp objects and fire-making implements, use Pascal or Ada: the Nerf languages, harmless fun for children of all ages, and they won’t mar the furniture.
81 LISP = Lots of Irritating Silly Parentheses
82 Take a number, we’ll be with you shortly, after we finish defenestrating this hunk of cheese.
83 Photons have neither morals or visas.
84 Geeks are Hott!!!!
85 What we do is never understood, but only praised and blamed.
86 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
87 Computer programming is tremendous fun. Like music, it is a skill that derives from an unknown blend of innate talent and constant practice. Like drawing, it can be shaped to a variety of ends – commercial, artistic, and pure entertainment. Programmers have a well-deserved reputation for working long hours but are rarely credited with being driven by creative fevers. Programmers talk about software development on weekends, vacations, and over meals not because they lack imagination, but because their imagination reveals worlds that others cannot see.
88 Algebra is for lovers!